the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize