I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
