You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
my poor anus
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
