New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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