Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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