dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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