my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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