Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
