omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
