Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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