afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize