And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
