I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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