And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
