he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
