Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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