i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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