you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
