it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
The ass gains better be worth it
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