Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
