she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
