We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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