I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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