I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
