He kissed a someone with a penis
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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