I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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