No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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