Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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