so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize