I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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