I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
