I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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