I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
