You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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