and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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