My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
