Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
