We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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