I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
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