Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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