so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize