Moan for me like Helen Keller
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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