I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
