I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
