He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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