The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
vagina is talking i cant
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
This baby is an asshole
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
