I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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