it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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