I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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