You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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