I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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