Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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