If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
