Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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