I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
