My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
