Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
