i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
