im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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