I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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