When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
