we're chasing vodka with high fives
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
