In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
