"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
