ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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