You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
