theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize