dude i'm inner monologue high
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize