Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
