mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
